Redstocking Grandma: Pride Overcomes Anxiety

August 22, 2008

Pride Overcomes Anxiety

I would like to share something I wrote in 2001 to a Salon group:

"My 28-year-old daughter has just accepted a summer internship in Rwanda. Seven years ago, a million people were killed in three months in the worst genocide since the Holocaust. She is getting a master's degree in international affairs at Columbia, specializing in human rights, transitional justice, and Africa. If she wasn't going to Rwanda, she would have gone to the Congo. I am fiercely proud of her. But I worry about how to handle my fears as she goes from one world flash point to the next. I want to support her, not burden her with my anxieties. I would like to share experiences and ideas with other mothers of children whose idealism and dedication take them into danger. "

Learning not to burden my daughters with my anxieties is a lifelong struggle. But my anxiety is not nearly as great as my pride:

The daughter I was so worried about, Vanessa, co-edited this new book, which is being ordered for international relations classes throughout the country.

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In the late 60s and early 70s, I belonged to Redstockings, a NYC feminist group. Becoming a grandma to 9 grandkids since 2007 has resurrected my 60s activism, but made me increasingly critical about what passes for feminism. My misgivings at age 25 have been prescient.

Feminists became the unwitting handmaidens of corporate capitalism. Once huge numbers of women entered the paid work force, wages stagnated. You were no longer able to support a family on one well paying union job. Women increasingly were forced to work. The option of staying home with your children became increasingly unaffordable. The government used to pay women to stay home with their young kids. The desirability of having one parent at home with young children has been derided as impractical.

Early activists emphasized abortion over child care. Now we psychiatric drug our kids into obedience to the most child unfriendly nation on earth. Upper and middle class women in the US are might be far better off. But poor women and children are worse off.

Being a full-time mother to my four brilliant daughters for 16 years and a nanny to my oldest grandson were the best years of my life. Being with young kids is my bliss.

Families are my passion. My parents were both the oldest of 7. I have 5 younger brothers, 4 daughters, 4 sons-in-law, 9 grandkids,10 and under. The oldest of 45 first cousins, I have 11 nieces and nephews, 12 great nieces and nephews. I have been an editor of psychiatric books, a children's and teen librarian, a childbirth educator, a breastfeeding counselor, a social worker, an internet educator, a full-time mother, a 24/7 caregiver of my mom, a social media activist. I spent three months at Occupy Wall Street as a volunteer social worker, informal mom, big sister, aunt, grandma.